I Work Out

I’m currently in the process of trying to get right. Like everyone else, I came into the new year with goals to drop weight–but not for the sake of resolutions or simply being healthy but because I’m going to Greece in August!  I’m going to be on a yacht cruising around Greece and I need to look my own personal very best.  I mean there will be Facebook photos and Greek men! When I think Greece I think John Stamos, Greek gods, Kostos (the guy from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants) and John Stamos again.


So with that in mind, I have made it a personal mission to workout and eat right.  However there is one problem.  Sure, I miss all the unhealthy foods that I’m not supposed to eat but I can deal with that. It’s the working out part.


Whenever I go for a run, the whole time I ask myself why? What am I running for? Who does this for fun? So then my friends suggest that I try other exercises such as Zumba or Crossfit.  Now that I think about it–these are probably are NOT my friends. Who would encourage me to go to a class where I am reminded that I am one of the rhythm-less black girls (see post here) or do Crossfit? Nothing about Crossfit seems fun to me. Actually it seems dangerous. If I was looking for ways to die while losing weight-I’d just go find some FDA unapproved diet pills and take without consulting my doctor.


The problem with working out is also that I am a sweaty girl.  That whole “girls don’t sweat we glow” saying is a lie! To the point it effects what time I workout. For example: If I have to be at work by 8, not only do I have to factor in the time to shower and get to work after my workout, I have to take in consideration how long it will take to cool off before getting in the shower.  If I don’t cool off before my shower, I will start back sweating after the shower.  Yeah that’s a 4:30AM wake up call. No thank you!


Then there is the pain. I get it, no pain no gain. But when the idea of walking down the stairs is too painful, then we gotta reconsider.  Who are these folks who endorse “the burn”? That sounds like torture. It sounds like literally walking into the gates of hell and jumping into the lake of fire.  After a “great” workout why do my arms feel like spaghetti and my legs have no feelings?


But even with all of my griping and complaining and my eternal hate for working out- I will still do it. Because John Stamos.

Single and not so Satisfied

#ToastTip If your family always ask you if you have a boyfriend and your answer is always no, start lying before your mother post your phone number in the church bulletin and local paper.   

The topic of relationships is one I try to avoid [please see my previous post].  Most of the times I think relationships are beautiful other times I think its the world’s way of bringing constant shame to the fact that I am 30 and single.  I kind of feel like every time a wedding bell rings, I lose a piece of my soul.  Anniversaries cause me to break out it sweats and engagement announcements give me migraines. It’s a serious condition that I have but I’m dealing with it.

Meanwhile, knowing all these facts about my condition; those closest to me insist that the right man is out there for me and they are on a search.  I am also ashamed to admit that my parents have also joined this mission.  It’s looking more and more likely that my wedding will be an arranged one.  Learn from me, if you are single and learning to be satisfied, then avoid showing any dissatisfaction to your parents, cousins, siblings and best friends or else you will become their personal project.

Tagged with: 30andsingle, matchmaker, Living Single

Dear Smug Over Indulget Couples Who Only Love Their Significant Other On Valentine’s Day

Dear Smug Over Indulgent Couples

I hate you.  I know that hate is a strong word but that is truly how I feel. Throughout the year, us singles have to hear about your relationship problems, how much he or she gets on your nerves, how you wish you could be single and how “we are so lucky to be single.” But then comes 2/14, your facebook status changes to mush, your profile pic is of you coupled up from 10 years ago, and then all of sudden we singles realize that you were just taunting us.  All this time you were filling us with false hope to make us think that we had it good.

You feel bad for giving your single girlfriend an earful at least once a week so you try to make it sound better by giving proverbial advice like “It’s better to be single than to deal with his wack ass.” And the sad thing is that we want to believe it.  We want to believe it so much until days like VALENTINE’S DAY rolls around and all of a sudden everyone is booed up, getting flowers, chocolates and romantic dates, while the rest of us are stuck watching “He’s Just Not That Into You” eating Chinese Take Out and eating entire chocolate cakes by ourselves.  Then when express our disappointment and cynicism with the entire idea of love all of a sudden we are “hating”, when we should be “celebrating love”?!?!?!

Sons and daughters of female dogs!! DO you have no mercy? You sit up on your high horse with your significant others and you dare point fingers at us telling us that we are spiteful while all the time we are being pointed at and felt sorry for by you. You make a spectacle of our pain and then you tell us to be quiet and celebrate your love.  That same love that you were complaining about just a month ago? Oh that is low!

My bitterness is not that I am single. I’m okay (most of the time…usually during the day) with being single. It’s that all of sudden you start gloating and you don’t expect me to retaliate.  You make fun of something that I just may be a little self conscious about by not only putting your love on public display but by making a spectacle for everyone to watch and dare no one to say anything about.

Yes, I’m looking at you and your new facebook photo ex love of my life.  Yes, I’m looking at you homeboy who was just single three weeks ago. I’m looking at you lady who just got the flowers from her husband whom she just said she wanted to divorce.

So yes, I hate you. And I hate the fact that because I wrote this you are going to make statements like and that is why you are single…a point that is invalid in itself.

So in order not to look like a jerk and in order not to offend, Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone who is happily and unhappliy in love. May you continue to celebrate many many many more days in or out of love.  And to the rest of us who only get love text from our Dads, cherish those moments. At least we have our dads, right?