Apparently Sex is Only for Single People

I hate the fact that I feel like I have to give disclaimers to things that are otherwise everyday conversation…but here goes.  As a church girl, I completely and legitimately understand that we uphold the value that sex is best in married relationships. However, as most of my friends approach 30 and are not married— the conversation shifts just a bit.

Glad that’s done…moving on.

Lately I have had the opportunity to talk to my married friends about how their life and relationships have been enhanced since they exchanged vows.  I get the occasional “I love doing life with my best friend.” But for the most part, responses are always dismal. I don’t know if married couples are trying to be cautious when talking to their single friends or if marriage actually sucks. dirty-celebrity-divorces-kim-kardashian-kris-humphries-more

I have had this conversation with multiple friends — both men and women — and the dialog seldom changes.

Me: “So how’s it going? How’s married life?”

Married Friend (MF):  “Oh its fine. Hard. It has its ups and downs but I will say you have it good. Don’t rush to get married.”  followed by “It’s not all that it’s cracked up to be” or “being single is so much more fun” followed by “why did I get married again?”

Me: “I mean what about knowing you have someone to come home to? You know, you don’t have to go to bed alone every night.”

MF“Oh sex isn’t like what you’re thinking. It’s not like how it was before we got married. Now we are busy, jobs got hectic. He/She gets on my nerves. It’s just not what it used to be.” and if they have children…they always blame the lack of sex on children.nosex

What part of the game is this? Why are all married people insisting that marriage is modern-day torture? Why aren’t married people having sex? What drastically changes from being in an exclusive monogamous relationship to being in a legally recognized exclusive monogamous relationship?  I understand that kids make your life hectic thus making it difficult to carve out cuddly sexy time with your spouse.

I also understand that sex is NOT the basis for an entire marriage. There are other things at play. But in the eyes of a single woman who is fully aware of her sexuality…I can’t imagine it NOT being a part of a healthy relationship. Come on married people, you have a built-in cut buddy! No, sex doesn’t have to happen once a day but it needs to happen and it can’t be a chore.


Remember before you got married…sex was fun! What happened. Why is sex only exciting when you are single? What are single people doing that married people aren’t? Discover the secret and make sex fun again! Have sex again! Put on some Beyoncé and figure out how to “Surfboard!” Read “50 Shades of Grey” and get some sexy time ideas!  Stop telling us non married people who marriage has ruined your sex life.

Why am i so adamant about this? Because I want to believe that marriage is more than a business contract giving you tax credit and splitting the monthly bills in half (or doubling student loans). It has to be greater than that? If not, why get married?

tumblr_m5fz57yOcB1qefwl8o1_400So prove to me that sex is not only for single people.

Commitment Issues

The next time I talk to my friend and he tells me about how he and his picture perfect family (wife and two kids) spent the day together doing nice family things and I respond “how blessed you are” and then he replies “you got your siblings” I promise I will say some unkind words!


I hate smug married/coupled up people’s condescending remarks to single people.  Okay, I know he probably wasn’t trying to be the smug douche that he came off as…in fact I can say that some of it had to do with me and the fact that I am pretty much over being single.  But c’mon people in relationships! Do I really need to give you a list of what NOT to say to people who are single?

I won’t give you a full list but just know that some of the things on the list include: 1) I remember when I was single, it was so much easier  or 2) you are so lucky, you don’t know how good you have it or 3) you’re not lonely, you have your mom/dad/brother or sister.


Seriously? If you say these things, you deserve to be kicked in your throat.  But that is not why I am writing.  I am writing mostly because I had my own personal “aha” moment.  I realized that although I am over being single, I have not committed to the idea of dating.


I am probably one of the few women who HATES dating.  The entire process is so phony to me.  Everyone sends their representative, says all the things that they think you want to hear, plays childish dating games and ultimately end up wasting precious time and emotions.  Listen, I am over 30. I don’t have time to play college games.  What are we doing? Can I get to know the real you? If you are only looking for sex, I am not the one.  If you are only looking to “kick it” go away.  These are the things I hate having to sift through.  I don’t understand why it takes so much work.

I am fine with committing to my career.  I am fine working long hours and sacrificing sleep for something I know will yield a benefit.  When it comes to dating, I am not willing to do the same thing for a maybe.  And I can admit that I’m tired of my heart being hurt so I am extra cautious.  I really just have a low tolerance for bullshit.  Is it possible to date without the crap?


My biological clock is ticking and I currently am the living version of Katherine Heigl’s character in 27 dresses… how’s the online dating scene?