Spoiler Alert: You Suck!

Dear East Coast Friends:

Please let this serve as a friendly reminder that the country does not function on your same time zone.  When things happen at 8pm Eastern Standard Time, some of us are on Pacific Standard Time, meaning we are just now leaving our jobs.  And although I am sure you don’t think of this time difference on a daily basis, I would like to suggest that you start considering it.

I can deal with the fact that once you get off of work and settled into your homes, you give me a call even though I am still at work.  That’s fine. It’s understandable.  I can even deal with the fact when we plan group vacays (that more than likely will take place on the east coast because that’s where a majority of my folks live) I am the one who will have to miss an extra day of work because I have to leave early to catch up everyone else.  But the one thing that I cannot deal with is the selfishness and inconsiderate-ness (just made that up) that takes place on my time line when popular television events are going on.

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Yes, I’m talking SPOILER ALERTS!  You all are a bit ridiculous when it comes to spoiling television for folks!  Again, you live hours ahead of everyone else! Most of the country does not get to see shows in the same hour that you get to see them! Why do you insist on giving away details before the rest of the world can have the opportunity to even watch?

what is your problem

Why would anyone take to social media and share such things? I’d rather read about other over shared things such as what you ate for dinner or your child labor experiences than to read these spoilers.  Imagine my disgust when I finally get home at 7:00pm, grab some dinner, kick back in my recliner and log on to Facebook and my timeline is overrun with details from the first few minutes of my favorite television shows.  It is in these moments where I really hate my east coast friends.

Yes, I understand the excitement of the shared television watching experience with your friends. It’s a thrill to talk about it but can’t you do the same thing on google hangout? That’s too much? Well if you must be selfish, do me a favor and start putting *SPOILER ALERT* in your status.   Here is an example:

*SPOILER ALERT* Because I am a jerk and don’t care that someone has not yet seen this episode, please scroll down.

 

 

RUIN SHOW PLOT TWIST HERE!

ihate you

Spoilers suck and so do you! #sorrynotsorry

Full Figured Glory

Yesterday, I was victorious!  I wasn’t victorious because I beasted my bootcamp fitness class, I was victorious because of what happened before that class.  I’m not talking about counting calories and getting water either…no, this was bigger, like Olympic size big.

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Yesterday, I forgot my sports bra.  If anyone reading this has been blessed with a double portion of boobies you will understand the terror and the dread of forgetting your sports bra.

freakout

A good sports bra is hard to find and honestly I was still on the two bra system.  By the time I remembered that I left my restrictive breast movement contraption at home, it was too late to turn around but luckily for me in Los Angeles, there is always a Target near by.

So I go into Target and rummage through the collection of light and medium support bras. I laugh and shake my head at the fact that its going to take two medium support bras just to reduce the movement.  But then I came across a maximum support bra!!!! GLORAYYYY!

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It was cutting close on time so I did not try it on; I just grabbed two bras and headed to class.  In the gym locker room, I put on my newly purchased bra and at first I was a bit hesistant.

ed173-heigl__27-dresses__002I was pleasantly surprised!  Everything felt like it was in place and there was no sign that there would be any wardrobe malfunction.  Could this be? Can I actually shimmy and not throw my back out?  So of course I had to test it out and see what my limitations were.

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I jumped up and down, full out shimmied, bent over to the floor and touched my toes…everything! Gurl! My tatas were so secure! This new bra had me feeling like I could walk on water.

Like I said, some of you may not understand but the bounce is real and the struggle is enough to make you not work out.  Nobody wants to run while your double D’s are bouncing in your face!

I felt so fabulous before class, I’m sure that’s why I went extra hard!  And today I am still feeling myself!

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So today I am full out endorsing Champions High Support Sports Bra for all full figured ladies (and/or men).  That find was a blessing that I am about to find all the colors and buy them all up!

Full Figured Glory

My L.A. Story- A Reflection of My Time in the City of Fallen Angels

Seven years ago from April 1st, my plane landed in Los Angeles.  I was instantly pulled in by the sunshine and palm trees. I had big shades, big dreams and a 5 year plan that went something like:

  • Get a production assistant job
  • Write a script
  • Get an agent
  • Sell script
  • Buy a condo
  • Write another script
  • Sell script that generates buzz
  • Get a nice profile in Hollywood reporter
  • Enjoy Hollywood and buy all the shoes I want

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Well, I was able to get a really good unpaid internship when I moved out here, I mean what person with two degrees would turn down an internship with a celebrity (even if working for free was totally illegal).   Yeah that turned out to be the unglamorous version of the Devil Wears Prada…I go into more detail in this post.  Long story short, it was a typical Hollywood assistant experience.  Only this one didn’t lead to any great new opportunities.

As I tried to find new work opportunities, something called the Writer’s Strike happened. Productions ceased throughout Los Angeles and nobody had a job…except for people who worked in reality tv and I simply refused to sell out to reality television.  And as all my savings started to run out, of course I had to call on the bank of mom and dad (pretty sure they are FDIC approved). Asking for money always required that I gave a presentation…

Lena-Dunham-Drug-AddictEventually that back up ran out…something about “we have four other kids in college, you’re the oldest and you have to figure it out.”

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From that point life kinda spiraled into a downward succession of suckiness.  It was a dark place.  I was convinced that even though, I loved Los Angeles it hated me.  I call this period of life “L.A. Hates Me”. I choose not to dwell on the moments I had to face real life and get a real job that couldn’t cover my real bills because Los Angeles is a real expensive city and ended up real depressed.

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I feel like I made it to the other side.  Living in this city toughened me up.  First it handed my ass back to me on a tray but then it toughened me…I would even say it bettered me.  I learned what I was made of. I realized that everybody has to go through some challenges to see their dreams come to life.  Bad credit, selling my car (to cover rent), facing evictions…none of that could scare me from pursuing what I ultimately wanted to do.

Praise the Lord! #PTL
Praise the Lord! #PTL

And here I am.  Not exactly where I want to be but doing what I love.  Biblically speaking, 7 is the number of completion. In the 7 years that I have been in L.A., I can say that I needed all those years to become the woman that I am.  I needed that time to develop my skills and to be comfortable in the fact that this is indeed what I want to do in life.  Although I always knew what I wanted to do in life, I now know that I have what it takes to succeed.

#ToastTip: Be positive, stick with it, keep the faith and you will soon see the light! #Church

 

Confessions of a Frequent Flyer

I love to travel.  I live for the opportunity to visit a new place, observe the culture, sample new foods and absorb the history.  It’s something about a new place and different people that reminds me how beautifully diverse our world is.  *cue PBS documentary music*   However, I wish there was an alternative to getting one place to another.  I know driving across the globe is not an option but I kinda wish it was.

As a person who travels frequently one would think that I enjoy flying or at least get used to it but the truth of the matter is flying kind of scares me!  Take off and landing terrify me! It is the moment when all sort of stuff goes on thru my head…most of which includes the plane exploding.

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When I tell folk how I really feel about flying, they are quick to remind me “yeah but flying is safer than driving a car.” And to them I have two answers… 1) statistically speaking the more I fly, the more I am at risk of being in a plane crash and 2) how often do you hear of someone walking away uninjured from a plane crash? Not often because there is no such thing as a plane fender bender.  Plane crashes are catastrophic and there is no way to water that down.

As if the risk of plummeting from a cruising altitude of 35,000 feet wasn’t enough, I come across this article and this one which only confirms that I should be just as concerned while I am in the air.   Please read the links so that you can be just as bothered as I am.  And allow me to highlight the following:

Pilots sleep during flight? Who is flying the plane dammit?!?! A computer? Is that what happened to the Malaysia flight?

Those oxygen mask only provide you with a 15 minutes supply of air? How am I supposed to breath with no air?

no air

There is so much about these airplane truths that make me uncomfortable!  The one about people stealing life jackets really did me in.

huffposs

No! Not cool! Souvenirs? You people ought to be ashamed? Putting other passengers’ lives at risk because you want to have a memory of your flight to Topeka? It is there for emergency situations not your sentimental purposes!

So no, I don’t like flying…at all.  For now I will continue to book my tickets all for the thrill of another stamp in my passport.  Maybe on my next flight, something this cool will happen:

Seriously how cool would it be to have this be your serenade for take off and landing? What if flying was a Disney experience…it would be the happiest flight (read least terrifying) flight ever!

Church, Feminism and Sex

When it comes to topics church related, I try to be sensitive and respectful.  I after all, am a follower of Christ and I do believe that somethings should be handled with reverence.  However, I am also naturally sarcastic and even my most serious tone seems to offend. So let this serve as a disclaimer and let the ranting begin!

I recently read a blog entitled “The Need for Christian Families to Address the Issue of Modesty” and while I appreciated the heart behind it kind of see where the author was coming from, I was mostly bothered by the message.  I first came across the blog last week and instead of poppin off at the mouth and immediately voicing my opinion as I usually do, I stepped back to see if my opinion on the subject would change.  It didn’t. At all. The more I thought about it, the more I was offended by it.

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I mean in the blog, it was stated that parents should encourage their daughters to dress modestly so that young men would not be tempted…  -_-    Seriously? Are we going to use the same argument people use to blame rape on women.  You know the “if she wasn’t dressed provocatively the man could have repressed his animalistic urges and not raped her” argument. If it sounds ridiculous, it is because it is!

Obviously that was enough to get me to heated but I continued reading so that I could be as objective as possible.  And to be fair to the author, he did acknowledge that he is not trying  “to justify the way men think” but for me the damage was already done. Too often in church and as Christians, when it comes to issues of sex between men and women, the burden of purity always falls on women.

beyonce feminist 2

Sometimes it seems as being Christian and being a feminist (well let’s say a feminist in the same fashion as Beyoncé is a feminist) is in itself a conflict of interest.  Growing up in an old school Baptist church I’ve come across sexist ideologies.  For example, we learn about Adam and Eve and the origins of sin. Many times, I’ve heard ministers blame Eve for the fall of man.  Although scripture clearly indicates that Adam made a conscious decision to deliberately disobey God, independent of Eve, people still choose to blame Eve…but who am I? What would have happened if Adam decided that he wasn’t going to give into peer pressure and refused to eat the apple?I’m positive it would be slightly different outcome for Adam.  Sure, Eve should be held accountable for her disobedience but she should NOT be held accountable for Adam’s err as well. However the burden of this sin involving a man and a women fell onto the women’s shoulders.

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This school of thought has perpetuated some problematic practices in church culture. There was a time when a girl who was pregnant outside of marriage, was required to stand before the congregation to apologize for her waywardness. Again, the burden of the sin fell on the woman.

easy a

Sex shaming…sin shaming..shaming…all sounds anti Jesus to me.  *in my old black southern pastor voice* If you will turn in your Bible’s with me to the gospel of Saint John chapter 8, starting at verse number 2, it reads:

At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.

Men have always been quick to place the burden of sin on the woman.  This passage of scripture is a prime example where was the man she was accused of having sex with? Why didn’t he get called out?   Thank God for Jesus or this scenario would have been completely different.

We live in a society that promotes sex and lots of it.  We live in an age that people are getting married later and later.  We go to churches and practice a religion that encourages people to remain chaise until marriage.  We emphasize to young girls that they should remain virgins but excuse men because well…men will be men.  We excuse men because “the way men think” is different.  Yet, when a woman embraces sexuality she is a “whore”. A whore? Really?

There are churches that require their female members to wear long skirts and long sleeves as not to tempt men into lust or adultery.  Imagine going to church with a full suit on and panty hose on in the middle of summer…and some churches don’t have air conditioning. So you want me fully dressed for a trip to Antarctica in the middle of the summer just so a man won’t be tempted?  Oh puhlease! My mother states it best “if seeing your shoulders will cause him to fall, he was already going to hell anyway”.

Modesty does not equate sexual purity.  A girl rocking a full-out Amish wardrobe is just as capable of lifting her skirt and partaking in the act as her scantily clad counterpart. There are other issues that need to be addressed. Yes, addressed and not swept under the rug.  If we are going to encourage people not to have sex before marriage as a way to honor God let’s make it just that, honoring God.  Let’s not shame women into dressing like nuns so that men won’t be tempted. Let’s not have a double standard.  Let our boys be held accountable by the same measures.

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I agree, young women should carry themselves and dress in a certain way out of self-respect. However, I don’t think showing shoulders, back or mid drift is in bad taste. However, if we are going to teach our daughters to dress modest, let’s also teach our sons to do the same.

Young men, I have to believe that wearing baggy pants is a way for you to show off your assets. You are trying to tempt young women.  Also, your tight skinny jeans…I know you are trying to show off your package and that is not of God.  Men, I am fully aware that you walk around topless full-out Putin style trying to make me hot and bothered.  *clutching my pearls* Your invisible washboard abs may cause me to sin, so please for the eternal sake of your sister in Christ, put a shirt on!

Shirtless and Baggy Pants? Hide yo daughters!
Shirtless and Baggy Pants? Hide yo daughters!

I’ve only scratched the surface. There are many more issues that stem from this topic alone. One of the biggest things is that the Church must change how we think about sex and sexuality. Here is one last read on the topic.  Oh yeah, I am fully aware that my use of Easy A, Beyoncé, Lena Dunham and sarcasm may not be the best way to address the issue…but let’s all agree it’s probably the most fun way to express my thoughts.