The Intellectual Genius of Kim Kardashian

Nearly 10 years ago, Kim Kardashian became a household name and would help change the landscape of entertainment.  Kimberly grew to be famous not for her intellect, business acumen or great sense of humor.  No—she became famous because she slept with Brandy’s brother and video taped it.  Ever since then the world—for whatever reason–has grown deeply obsessed with Kimberly, her love life and her family.


While I’m not one of the millions that has watched her shows, I was amused at her recent ability to #BreaktheIntenet but showing us the naked display of her backside. It was here where I developed a theory about Ms. Kardashian West.  She is obviously an attractive woman (if pretty face, skinny waist and a butt for days –natural or otherwise– is your thing), with strong business know how, and deep family values.  But the only way she can get our attention is by sharing her self- mostly nude- with us?  That doesn’t seem right.


That thought right there made me go hmmm? What if Kimberly Kardashian West is more than what meets our eye?  What if she is currently conducting the world’s longest dissertation research on all America? Her study is called “America’s Curiosity of the Exploit of Women as Sexual Beings.” Her thesis is simple: sex sells, especially in America.


You can talk about how you are bored by her antics but then,  she (or her hubby) does something to get you talking about her again. It is our consistent ability to be entertained by such shenanigans that contributes to her rise in fame and wealth.


Yes, I’d rather create reason for chaos than to  deal with a world where people are famous without merrit.  I understand that there is a very good chance that my theory is off base but I’m really rooting for this.


In the small likeliness that I am correct, I’d like to congratulate the future Dr. Kardashian West for accomplishing two amazing feats—her ambitious journey to educate the masses and dealing with Kanye West.  No shade here.


Why Parent’s Visits are the Best

This past week my mother came to visit us (I have a brother and sister that lives in Cali as well) but I like to think that she came to visit me! If you don’t know, I LOVE MY MOTHER! Steph and I have a bond. One where I can call her Steph just as long as I am not seriously thinking that I am getting away with calling her by her first name. It absolutely drives my friends crazy. They’re so jelly. Nicole-Richie-Hair-Flip I also talk to my mom like 8 times a day.  Not because we have an obsessive relationship but because our convos are usually cut short because we got to go into a meeting or something. Sometimes we just share a thought and hang up. I would text her but her phone is like the world’s first palm pilot or something and she doesn’t always get my messages.  My sibs totally pick on me about how often I talk to my mom. tumblr_ltgxwmJVH31qhyoaio1_500 Mom and I have an understanding. I teach her how to use Facebook and she helps me make sound financial decisions.  I would never call my mother my friend because of the phrase every kid heard growing up “I’m not your friend, I’m your mother”. But we are kinda like friends.  But she will still lecture me and give me unsolicited advice–because as she puts it, “I may not be a manager any more but I am still in consultant position for the rest of your life.” I realized on this last minute there are stages I go through during these visits. The week before I was kind of obsessed with making sure everything was clean and in place. Not because I’m junky but because mom is like super clean and has a way of finding dirt that does not exist. taki But then the day of, I came to the realization that no matter how hard I tried, mom was just going to end up cleaning anyway.  All while making it looking so effortless. tumblr_inline_ne0tkkj7191r9aungWhen mom gets here. I like to pretend that I am grown.  I like to show that all of the hard work and investment has paid off.  I am doing well.  I can cook, clean, decorate, pay bills on time, have fun and have some sort of balance.  This act of showing off or pretending, only last for a few days.  If your parents are staying more than a few days it will be hard to convincingly keep this cover. tumblr_lp7k7vwLbC1qaq30xo1_500Then there’s the moment when mom does a really mom thing and it tugs at that part of me thats sometimes wishes I could be a kid again. This time it was “Let’s go get groceries, I’ll pay.”  OH-EM-GEE!!! Be still my heart! I totally wish I could hop into the shopping cart and pull things off the shelf and put into the buggy–my own version of a real life Throw Back Thursday. tumblr_inline_n9lyrpSPA21rftf18Sometimes we all need a chance to relive and appreciate things from our childhood that we took for granted. I’m not even ashamed to say that the grocery store trip was not that moment for me.  It was the moment when I had a mini breakdown-tears and all- and mom was there with open arms. giphy-3Hugs, encouraging words and great advice.  My mom has a way of making everything better. tumblr_mkzwtd6TjC1r20jf4o1_250When mom left, my house was cleaner, my fridge was full and my self esteem was intact.  I needed this time with my mom.  Parents are great—mine are the best! I am eternally grateful for the blessing that is mom and dad.

I Work Out

I’m currently in the process of trying to get right. Like everyone else, I came into the new year with goals to drop weight–but not for the sake of resolutions or simply being healthy but because I’m going to Greece in August!  I’m going to be on a yacht cruising around Greece and I need to look my own personal very best.  I mean there will be Facebook photos and Greek men! When I think Greece I think John Stamos, Greek gods, Kostos (the guy from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants) and John Stamos again.


So with that in mind, I have made it a personal mission to workout and eat right.  However there is one problem.  Sure, I miss all the unhealthy foods that I’m not supposed to eat but I can deal with that. It’s the working out part.


Whenever I go for a run, the whole time I ask myself why? What am I running for? Who does this for fun? So then my friends suggest that I try other exercises such as Zumba or Crossfit.  Now that I think about it–these are probably are NOT my friends. Who would encourage me to go to a class where I am reminded that I am one of the rhythm-less black girls (see post here) or do Crossfit? Nothing about Crossfit seems fun to me. Actually it seems dangerous. If I was looking for ways to die while losing weight-I’d just go find some FDA unapproved diet pills and take without consulting my doctor.


The problem with working out is also that I am a sweaty girl.  That whole “girls don’t sweat we glow” saying is a lie! To the point it effects what time I workout. For example: If I have to be at work by 8, not only do I have to factor in the time to shower and get to work after my workout, I have to take in consideration how long it will take to cool off before getting in the shower.  If I don’t cool off before my shower, I will start back sweating after the shower.  Yeah that’s a 4:30AM wake up call. No thank you!


Then there is the pain. I get it, no pain no gain. But when the idea of walking down the stairs is too painful, then we gotta reconsider.  Who are these folks who endorse “the burn”? That sounds like torture. It sounds like literally walking into the gates of hell and jumping into the lake of fire.  After a “great” workout why do my arms feel like spaghetti and my legs have no feelings?


But even with all of my griping and complaining and my eternal hate for working out- I will still do it. Because John Stamos.

Apparently Sex is Only for Single People

I hate the fact that I feel like I have to give disclaimers to things that are otherwise everyday conversation…but here goes.  As a church girl, I completely and legitimately understand that we uphold the value that sex is best in married relationships. However, as most of my friends approach 30 and are not married— the conversation shifts just a bit.

Glad that’s done…moving on.

Lately I have had the opportunity to talk to my married friends about how their life and relationships have been enhanced since they exchanged vows.  I get the occasional “I love doing life with my best friend.” But for the most part, responses are always dismal. I don’t know if married couples are trying to be cautious when talking to their single friends or if marriage actually sucks. dirty-celebrity-divorces-kim-kardashian-kris-humphries-more

I have had this conversation with multiple friends — both men and women — and the dialog seldom changes.

Me: “So how’s it going? How’s married life?”

Married Friend (MF):  “Oh its fine. Hard. It has its ups and downs but I will say you have it good. Don’t rush to get married.”  followed by “It’s not all that it’s cracked up to be” or “being single is so much more fun” followed by “why did I get married again?”

Me: “I mean what about knowing you have someone to come home to? You know, you don’t have to go to bed alone every night.”

MF“Oh sex isn’t like what you’re thinking. It’s not like how it was before we got married. Now we are busy, jobs got hectic. He/She gets on my nerves. It’s just not what it used to be.” and if they have children…they always blame the lack of sex on children.nosex

What part of the game is this? Why are all married people insisting that marriage is modern-day torture? Why aren’t married people having sex? What drastically changes from being in an exclusive monogamous relationship to being in a legally recognized exclusive monogamous relationship?  I understand that kids make your life hectic thus making it difficult to carve out cuddly sexy time with your spouse.

I also understand that sex is NOT the basis for an entire marriage. There are other things at play. But in the eyes of a single woman who is fully aware of her sexuality…I can’t imagine it NOT being a part of a healthy relationship. Come on married people, you have a built-in cut buddy! No, sex doesn’t have to happen once a day but it needs to happen and it can’t be a chore.


Remember before you got married…sex was fun! What happened. Why is sex only exciting when you are single? What are single people doing that married people aren’t? Discover the secret and make sex fun again! Have sex again! Put on some Beyoncé and figure out how to “Surfboard!” Read “50 Shades of Grey” and get some sexy time ideas!  Stop telling us non married people who marriage has ruined your sex life.

Why am i so adamant about this? Because I want to believe that marriage is more than a business contract giving you tax credit and splitting the monthly bills in half (or doubling student loans). It has to be greater than that? If not, why get married?

tumblr_m5fz57yOcB1qefwl8o1_400So prove to me that sex is not only for single people.

Confessions of a Black Girl Who Can’t Dance

I’d like to dedicate this post to all my black American sisters who defy the stereotype.

Cue: Spice Girls “If You Can’t Dance”

I think one of the most overlooked tragedies of stereotyping people by race is the stress that it causes those of us who do not entirely fit the mold.  There are so many things that black people are supposed to do that I don’t really do…and for the most part I am fine with that.  See, growing up with the “Cosby Show” made it socially acceptable for me not to completely fulfill certain stereotypes.  However, there was one stereotype that the Cosby show did not exclude me from…

167860_o giphy tumblr_lp1wdhYlyq1r00k3po1_r2_500cosby-show-o

DANCING! Before middle school the idea of my inability to dance never crossed my mind.  I mean I was in dance class (ballet and tap) so I mean I could dance but I would soon learn I couldn’t DANCE.

m4I wasn’t trying to twerk it in middle school but I did sign up for step team.  It was here that I should have seen the first sign!  It was painful…I was the last one to learn any of the complex steps. The other girls kept telling me just to listen to the rhythm but I just couldn’t figure it out.  By the time our step show came around, I only mastered one of the steps…so that was the only I did and I had to sit on the sideline and watch as the other girls all stomped for their lives as the rest of the school yelled “Alright!” “Get it, girls”  and “I see you!”


I eventually lived down that disappointment mostly because in between I was able to move to a new town and start over.  In my teen years I found myself locked in my room practicing my dance skills.  Songs like “Back that a$$ up” and “Whistle while you twerk” were popular and I needed to make sure that I was on point.  It was during this time in my bedroom that I realized that my aspirations of dancing like a video girl would never come to fruition.  I just didn’t have it.


How in the world was I supposed to go through life as a black girl who couldn’t dance? Not only that, how am I half African without rhythm…how did the ancestors completely skip out of blessing me with the dancing ability?  In college I first thought the best way to avoid facing the embarrassment of my reality was to avoid going out all together.  And when I did eventually go out…it was mostly “just for the atmosphere.”  If I guy asked me to dance, I would mostly decline and I know for that fact there are a lot of guys who assume that I am probably some stuck up girl that wouldn’t give them the time of day but I couldn’t bring myself to say “Oh, I’m really bad at dancing let’s just have a drink.”  That would be like admitting that I can’t tie my shoe!

And for the most part I’ve learned to deal.  I’ve learned that there are other black girls just like me.  Often times we go out together dance in our rhythmless uncoordinated ways and enjoy ourselves.  There are times when we see white girls getting it in and we do feel a pang of jealousy.  I mean yeah…we were told that dancing was a right that we were entitled to by birth but somehow that was completely snatched from us!

twerk-fraulesYes, if we encounter these girls when we are out there would be collection of side eyes from the R&UBGB (Rhythmless and Uncoordinated Black Girls Club).