This past week my mother came to visit us (I have a brother and sister that lives in Cali as well) but I like to think that she came to visit me! If you don’t know, I LOVE MY MOTHER! Steph and I have a bond. One where I can call her Steph just as long as I am not seriously thinking that I am getting away with calling her by her first name. It absolutely drives my friends crazy. They’re so jelly. I also talk to my mom like 8 times a day. Not because we have an obsessive relationship but because our convos are usually cut short because we got to go into a meeting or something. Sometimes we just share a thought and hang up. I would text her but her phone is like the world’s first palm pilot or something and she doesn’t always get my messages. My sibs totally pick on me about how often I talk to my mom. Mom and I have an understanding. I teach her how to use Facebook and she helps me make sound financial decisions. I would never call my mother my friend because of the phrase every kid heard growing up “I’m not your friend, I’m your mother”. But we are kinda like friends. But she will still lecture me and give me unsolicited advice–because as she puts it, “I may not be a manager any more but I am still in consultant position for the rest of your life.” I realized on this last minute there are stages I go through during these visits. The week before I was kind of obsessed with making sure everything was clean and in place. Not because I’m junky but because mom is like super clean and has a way of finding dirt that does not exist. But then the day of, I came to the realization that no matter how hard I tried, mom was just going to end up cleaning anyway. All while making it looking so effortless. When mom gets here. I like to pretend that I am grown. I like to show that all of the hard work and investment has paid off. I am doing well. I can cook, clean, decorate, pay bills on time, have fun and have some sort of balance. This act of showing off or pretending, only last for a few days. If your parents are staying more than a few days it will be hard to convincingly keep this cover. Then there’s the moment when mom does a really mom thing and it tugs at that part of me thats sometimes wishes I could be a kid again. This time it was “Let’s go get groceries, I’ll pay.” OH-EM-GEE!!! Be still my heart! I totally wish I could hop into the shopping cart and pull things off the shelf and put into the buggy–my own version of a real life Throw Back Thursday. Sometimes we all need a chance to relive and appreciate things from our childhood that we took for granted. I’m not even ashamed to say that the grocery store trip was not that moment for me. It was the moment when I had a mini breakdown-tears and all- and mom was there with open arms. Hugs, encouraging words and great advice. My mom has a way of making everything better. When mom left, my house was cleaner, my fridge was full and my self esteem was intact. I needed this time with my mom. Parents are great—mine are the best! I am eternally grateful for the blessing that is mom and dad.
The Jacked Up Part About Long Distance Relationships
My friends and family live all over the world. This used to be contributed to the fact that my dad is from Cameroon, West Africa so naturally half of my family would live in Africa. Then I grew up and it seemed like everyone I knew moved away. Well, I moved to Los Angeles kind of putting myself at a distance but then everyone else started to scatter as well. I have a brother in Denver a sister in China and my bff lives in Florida! What did people do before cellphones and internet?
Whoever said “absence makes the heart grow fonder” was definately a person trying to find the positive side to being forever away from the people that they loved the most. I used to think the grow fonder part meant distance will make you love that person more. However, I have found that growing fonder is a nice way of saying “makes you miss the hell out of the people you love the most a whole lot”.
For most of my adult life I have lived far away from my family and my best friends. And while it has been a worthwhile experience, there are times that living far away from your loved ones just straight up SUCKS! There are the obvious times when being away sucks like when a friend has a baby or gets engaged or when someone gets seriously ill but there are also the times you miss being from your family that are completely selfish.
When you have seriously juicy gossip and the first person you want to share it with is your sister who lives in China and you can’t call because she is either at work or is sleep.
When you go through a break up and you need your best friend to console you and google hangout just won’t do.
When I’m sick and dying and the only 3 people in the world who know how to make my deathbed feel better is mom, dad and grandma… all of whom live on the opposite coast.
Sometimes you just want to go on a Chipotle run with someone who doesn’t mind splitting the chips and guac with you. Me and my bestie split everything, including calories!
The times I miss my friends and family the most is when I just need a hug and virtual hugs won’t do.
Even though I have accepted long distance as a fact of life, I am grateful for g-chat, skype chipotle dates with my bff and awesome mini-reunions to get me through!