Boredom

My life is boring. Like seriously, if you were to ask me what I did for fun I would not be able to answer and if I did answer, I would have to say that my Sunday naps are the highlight of my life. I like to read, I like to travel, I like to shop and I love to sleep.  Most of my everyday life consist of writing, editing or running the day to day operations for LackToast Entertainment.  Wow…I even managed to make that sound mundane.

giphy

Why do I share this with you? Maybe because I have this strong urge to hop on a plane and go explore the world. Get lost traveling in Brazil, hiking in Peru, sleeping on the beaches of the Mediterranean…doing anything but sitting in front of my computer and staring at youtube videos of cute kittens!

provincial-life

I want to LIVE!  If you are calling me dramatic right now, you may be justified.  I realize that there are more things in life to write about and to concern myself with.  However, I am too bored out of mind to even care! I need to shake things up.  I’m 31 and I have never had a one night stand…mostly because it’s out of my character, I’m scared of STD’s, I feel like sex is a bit more sacred than that and I would hate to randomly get preggers by a fly by night fling (yeah I know the chances of that happening are slim to none)…I digressed.  

Mean Girls_Sex ed

Basically Bible camp ruined any of my chances for walking out the free liberated life style. I need suggestions to add more excitement. Like choosing mango sorbet over vanilla ice cream, sprinkling Tajin on my fruit and veggies or maybe ordering a quesadilla instead of a salad at Chipotle.  Help me people, I am desperate. Any suggestions?

 

 

Commitment Issues

The next time I talk to my friend and he tells me about how he and his picture perfect family (wife and two kids) spent the day together doing nice family things and I respond “how blessed you are” and then he replies “you got your siblings” I promise I will say some unkind words!

stick_figure_nobody_cares

I hate smug married/coupled up people’s condescending remarks to single people.  Okay, I know he probably wasn’t trying to be the smug douche that he came off as…in fact I can say that some of it had to do with me and the fact that I am pretty much over being single.  But c’mon people in relationships! Do I really need to give you a list of what NOT to say to people who are single?

I won’t give you a full list but just know that some of the things on the list include: 1) I remember when I was single, it was so much easier  or 2) you are so lucky, you don’t know how good you have it or 3) you’re not lonely, you have your mom/dad/brother or sister.

28681-nicki-minaj-Hell-no-gif-LuBd

Seriously? If you say these things, you deserve to be kicked in your throat.  But that is not why I am writing.  I am writing mostly because I had my own personal “aha” moment.  I realized that although I am over being single, I have not committed to the idea of dating.

date

I am probably one of the few women who HATES dating.  The entire process is so phony to me.  Everyone sends their representative, says all the things that they think you want to hear, plays childish dating games and ultimately end up wasting precious time and emotions.  Listen, I am over 30. I don’t have time to play college games.  What are we doing? Can I get to know the real you? If you are only looking for sex, I am not the one.  If you are only looking to “kick it” go away.  These are the things I hate having to sift through.  I don’t understand why it takes so much work.

I am fine with committing to my career.  I am fine working long hours and sacrificing sleep for something I know will yield a benefit.  When it comes to dating, I am not willing to do the same thing for a maybe.  And I can admit that I’m tired of my heart being hurt so I am extra cautious.  I really just have a low tolerance for bullshit.  Is it possible to date without the crap?

tumblr_misb8byM1q1qaiopso1_500

My biological clock is ticking and I currently am the living version of Katherine Heigl’s character in 27 dresses… how’s the online dating scene?

608432

 

Spoiler Alert: You Suck!

Dear East Coast Friends:

Please let this serve as a friendly reminder that the country does not function on your same time zone.  When things happen at 8pm Eastern Standard Time, some of us are on Pacific Standard Time, meaning we are just now leaving our jobs.  And although I am sure you don’t think of this time difference on a daily basis, I would like to suggest that you start considering it.

I can deal with the fact that once you get off of work and settled into your homes, you give me a call even though I am still at work.  That’s fine. It’s understandable.  I can even deal with the fact when we plan group vacays (that more than likely will take place on the east coast because that’s where a majority of my folks live) I am the one who will have to miss an extra day of work because I have to leave early to catch up everyone else.  But the one thing that I cannot deal with is the selfishness and inconsiderate-ness (just made that up) that takes place on my time line when popular television events are going on.

christina stop

Yes, I’m talking SPOILER ALERTS!  You all are a bit ridiculous when it comes to spoiling television for folks!  Again, you live hours ahead of everyone else! Most of the country does not get to see shows in the same hour that you get to see them! Why do you insist on giving away details before the rest of the world can have the opportunity to even watch?

what is your problem

Why would anyone take to social media and share such things? I’d rather read about other over shared things such as what you ate for dinner or your child labor experiences than to read these spoilers.  Imagine my disgust when I finally get home at 7:00pm, grab some dinner, kick back in my recliner and log on to Facebook and my timeline is overrun with details from the first few minutes of my favorite television shows.  It is in these moments where I really hate my east coast friends.

Yes, I understand the excitement of the shared television watching experience with your friends. It’s a thrill to talk about it but can’t you do the same thing on google hangout? That’s too much? Well if you must be selfish, do me a favor and start putting *SPOILER ALERT* in your status.   Here is an example:

*SPOILER ALERT* Because I am a jerk and don’t care that someone has not yet seen this episode, please scroll down.

 

 

RUIN SHOW PLOT TWIST HERE!

ihate you

Spoilers suck and so do you! #sorrynotsorry

Confessions of a Frequent Flyer

I love to travel.  I live for the opportunity to visit a new place, observe the culture, sample new foods and absorb the history.  It’s something about a new place and different people that reminds me how beautifully diverse our world is.  *cue PBS documentary music*   However, I wish there was an alternative to getting one place to another.  I know driving across the globe is not an option but I kinda wish it was.

As a person who travels frequently one would think that I enjoy flying or at least get used to it but the truth of the matter is flying kind of scares me!  Take off and landing terrify me! It is the moment when all sort of stuff goes on thru my head…most of which includes the plane exploding.

just-not-the-best-thing-to-say-in-an-airplane_1251

When I tell folk how I really feel about flying, they are quick to remind me “yeah but flying is safer than driving a car.” And to them I have two answers… 1) statistically speaking the more I fly, the more I am at risk of being in a plane crash and 2) how often do you hear of someone walking away uninjured from a plane crash? Not often because there is no such thing as a plane fender bender.  Plane crashes are catastrophic and there is no way to water that down.

As if the risk of plummeting from a cruising altitude of 35,000 feet wasn’t enough, I come across this article and this one which only confirms that I should be just as concerned while I am in the air.   Please read the links so that you can be just as bothered as I am.  And allow me to highlight the following:

Pilots sleep during flight? Who is flying the plane dammit?!?! A computer? Is that what happened to the Malaysia flight?

Those oxygen mask only provide you with a 15 minutes supply of air? How am I supposed to breath with no air?

no air

There is so much about these airplane truths that make me uncomfortable!  The one about people stealing life jackets really did me in.

huffposs

No! Not cool! Souvenirs? You people ought to be ashamed? Putting other passengers’ lives at risk because you want to have a memory of your flight to Topeka? It is there for emergency situations not your sentimental purposes!

So no, I don’t like flying…at all.  For now I will continue to book my tickets all for the thrill of another stamp in my passport.  Maybe on my next flight, something this cool will happen:

Seriously how cool would it be to have this be your serenade for take off and landing? What if flying was a Disney experience…it would be the happiest flight (read least terrifying) flight ever!

The Jacked Up Part About Long Distance Relationships

My friends and family live all over the world.  This used to be contributed to the fact that my dad is from Cameroon, West Africa so naturally half of my family would live in Africa.  Then I grew up and it seemed like everyone I knew moved away.  Well, I moved to Los Angeles kind of putting myself at a distance but then everyone else started to scatter as well.  I have a brother in Denver a sister in China and my bff lives in Florida!  What did people do before cellphones and internet?

Whoever said “absence makes the heart grow fonder” was definately a person trying to find the positive side to being forever away from the people that they loved the most.  I used to think the grow fonder part meant distance will make you love that person more. However, I have found that growing fonder is a nice way of saying “makes you miss the hell out of the people you love the most a whole lot”.

distance

For most of my adult life I have lived far away from my family and my best friends.  And  while it has been a worthwhile experience, there are times that living far away from your loved ones just straight up SUCKS! There are the obvious times when being away sucks like when a friend has a baby or gets engaged or when someone gets seriously ill but there are also the times you miss being from your family that are completely selfish.

When you have seriously juicy gossip and the first person you want to share it with is your sister who lives in China and you can’t call because she is either at work or is sleep.

taylor-swift-cool-news

When you go through a break up and you need your best friend to console you and google hangout just won’t do.

tumblr_mtzujrDTW71rkiuhro1_500

When I’m sick and dying and the only 3 people in the world who know how to make my deathbed feel better is mom, dad and grandma… all of whom live on the opposite coast.

ferris

Sometimes you just want to go on a Chipotle run with someone who doesn’t mind splitting the chips and guac with you.  Me and my bestie split everything, including calories!

rottenecard_36114856_ksxqdfdc6b

The times I miss my friends and family the most is when I just need a hug and virtual hugs won’t do.

virtual_hug_cartoon

Even though I have accepted long distance as a fact of life, I am grateful for g-chat, skype chipotle dates with my bff and awesome mini-reunions to get me through!