5 Things: The Confederate Flag Edition

I celebrate the fact that people (including lawmakers) are calling for the Confederate flag to come down over government buildings.  This really feels like something that should have happened at the end of the Civil War in 1865. The war was lost, there was no more need for the confederate flag. Let. It. Go.

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Growing up in the south, this flag was plastered on everything–tee shirts, bumper stickers, lockers, hats, in your neighbor’s yard.  All it took for me was one history class when the teacher explained the origins of the flag for me to question all of my classmates proudly showcasing their confederate paraphernalia as proud daughters and sons of Dixie.  While they were proudly re-imagining their heritage of their ancestors sipping mint julep on the plantation porch, I think of my ancestors doing the back-breaking free labor to plant and harvest the sugar for someone else’s gain.

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Every time I see the flag I think of the KKK–because it is a flag they also revere.  Have you ever seen the Klan march? I have–in my state capital of Raleigh and once before that in my small home town. I didn’t know if I should laugh at the fact that these folks are still rocking those ridiculous looking head pieces or cry at the fact there are those that hate me for no other reason than the color of my skin.

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The flag of the fallen Confederacy is tied to so many negative aspects of history that they outweigh any positive note (being non-biased) that may exist. There are so many other things I’d prefer witnessing over seeing another Confederate flag. The following are my top five.

1. Stomp my baby toe on a burning hot steel plated concrete boulder. Yes I’d rather endure this painful experience 100 times than the flag to fly over another government building.

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2. Hearing someone brush their teeth. If you know me, you know this is the most excruciating sound in the world to me. To raise the stakes–that person could be brushing their teeth with a brand new Brillo pad while chewing on rocks and scratching their nails on the chalk board. That would definitely give me a nervous tick and eye twitch. Yet, I would subject myself to this torture than to see that banner yet wave.

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3. Listen to early Justin Bieber on repeat. Please see number 2.

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4. Translate the Aeneid. This thing is like a million pages long!  Did this in high school Latin class but I still can’t speak Latin. It was painful but willing to do it again–without looking up translations online. It may take me a year to do but it’s so much more preferable over the Confederate flag.

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5. Cramps. I’m talking full on PMS ugly gut punching puke inducing cramps. No Midol, no heat pad, no tea. Yup. I disdain the flag that much.

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The Thirst: The Hunger Games Edition

Lionsgate is considering creating a “Hunger Games” theme park.  A theme park? Seriously?william shatner wtfShould we also consider opening a “Lord of the Flies” theme park or what about the Attic of Anne Frank Park or a Hotel Rwanda Resort? “Oh, that sounds like a GREAT idea” says NOBODY!  Why? Because it is scary! Ain’t nobody about celebrating cruelty of mankind.

I am a fan of “The Hunger Games”.  I loved the books, I loved the first movie, I loved Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss, I just loved it!

For those of you who aren’t familiar with “The Hunger Games”, it is a dystopian (opposite of utopian) novel that takes place in post apocalyptic Panem.  The Hunger Games is an annual event in which 2 kids from every district are randomly selected to battle each other to death.  It’s the ancient Rome version of the Olympics.  The last kid standing is the winner (and the only kid alive.)  Pretty depressing stuff.

Not depressing like Scandal spoilers depressing but depressing like kids dying depressing.  Not even like kids dying but kids being murdered, straight up assassinated depressing.

So imagine asking your kids “Hey you wanna go to Disney, Six Flags, Lego Land or to the Hunger Games?”  I already know the young version of myself would not be about the Hunger Games life.

what you talkin bout

I’d be all about the House of Mouse, at least I know he ain’t out tryna kill me.  Like where is the fun in fleeing for your life?

Please don’t give me but “The Hunger Games” is fictional crap because it still doesn’t make it less scary.  Those kids had to be skilled with swords, bows and arrows, fight for scraps of food only to die at the end…what part of that says Theme Park to you?

tina fey idk

Am I overlooking the obvious here?  Is there a market for this kind of stuff?  Perhaps this theme park would be used a some sort of alternative punishment that parents and schools could use to discipline their children? I’m really trying to understand this.  Lionsgate may just be trying to see how many ridiculous ways they can squeeze money out of this franchise and that is just plain thirsty!

I can keep going on these bad movie inspired theme parks.  Just in time for the holidays we have Schindler’s Christmas List!

snow white hi 5

No? Too far? *Kanye Shrug*

Tagged with: Hunger Games, Theme Parks, Corporate Greed, hollywood, dystopia, bad idea