The Jacked Up Part About Long Distance Relationships

My friends and family live all over the world.  This used to be contributed to the fact that my dad is from Cameroon, West Africa so naturally half of my family would live in Africa.  Then I grew up and it seemed like everyone I knew moved away.  Well, I moved to Los Angeles kind of putting myself at a distance but then everyone else started to scatter as well.  I have a brother in Denver a sister in China and my bff lives in Florida!  What did people do before cellphones and internet?

Whoever said “absence makes the heart grow fonder” was definately a person trying to find the positive side to being forever away from the people that they loved the most.  I used to think the grow fonder part meant distance will make you love that person more. However, I have found that growing fonder is a nice way of saying “makes you miss the hell out of the people you love the most a whole lot”.

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For most of my adult life I have lived far away from my family and my best friends.  And  while it has been a worthwhile experience, there are times that living far away from your loved ones just straight up SUCKS! There are the obvious times when being away sucks like when a friend has a baby or gets engaged or when someone gets seriously ill but there are also the times you miss being from your family that are completely selfish.

When you have seriously juicy gossip and the first person you want to share it with is your sister who lives in China and you can’t call because she is either at work or is sleep.

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When you go through a break up and you need your best friend to console you and google hangout just won’t do.

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When I’m sick and dying and the only 3 people in the world who know how to make my deathbed feel better is mom, dad and grandma… all of whom live on the opposite coast.

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Sometimes you just want to go on a Chipotle run with someone who doesn’t mind splitting the chips and guac with you.  Me and my bestie split everything, including calories!

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The times I miss my friends and family the most is when I just need a hug and virtual hugs won’t do.

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Even though I have accepted long distance as a fact of life, I am grateful for g-chat, skype chipotle dates with my bff and awesome mini-reunions to get me through!

An Open Letter to Jennifer Lawrence

This heartfelt and open letter to my best movie star friend had me in tears! Please enjoy!

Sass & Balderdash

Dear Jen,

Do you mind if I call you Jen? You’re so candid in all of your interviews that calling you Jennifer feels too formal, but I can’t use the name Jenny without thinking of “Jenny from the Block” (thanks a lot J.Lo). If you want my honest opinion, I think Jenna is probably the moniker that suits you the best, but that’s kind of a niche nickname, so I’m sticking with Jen. I guess it really doesn’t matter, because this letter has nothing to do with your name or what you like to be called, but I was hoping to capture your attention so you would really hear what I’m about to say to you:

It is not normal for a 23-year-old woman to fall down so much.

As a fellow 23-year-old, albeit one who has not won an Oscar or the hearts of countless devoted fans, I speak from…

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Roots what?

Dear Hollywood Execs:

I totally understand that for each movie flop somebody looses their job.  I understand that it is a risk to make new movies with original story lines because there is no guarantee that the audience will respond.  I get all that. I get that Hollywood is a big business and money talks. I know that Hollywood has not been an art form since the 1940’s.

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I get it… but as a filmmaker, I don’t care! You are remaking classics and turning them into garbage.  Everything that was gold does not need to be remade.  We don’t need to see seven million slave movies just because they do well in theaters.

Up to this point, I was trying to be tolerant of this repetitiveness because I understand the need for job security.  It must be hell wondering if your next movie will fill your Lexus SUV or if your kid will be able to attend private school wearing their Gucci back packs.  I hate to think of the tragedies that will ensue if you have to cut your gardeners days from 5 days a week to 3 days! What about the weeds? The weeds dammit!

Kristin wiig help me im poor

But then yesterday you lost me!  I am minding my business and I read a story about Hollywood remaking the classic miniseries “Roots”. Seriously? Roots? It’s like someone said “A slave movie and a remake” and then their friend said “Brilliant! Let’s do it!” *insert frat boy fist bump*

WHAT?

Beyonce WHAT

Slave movies? That’s just depressing! There are some movies that are needed for healing and history.  Why white Hollywood exec men do you want to replay the most depressing part of U.S history over and over? Side note, nobody wants to see another Trail of Tears movie either. Don’t mistake our desire to be taught this in history class as a request to be entertained by them.

My request…take a risk.  Find a really really good script that you like. One that gives you butterflies on the inside and obsess about it.  When you come across that script, that’s the one you should make.  This is the script that will give your life meaning and break you from the chains of mediocrity.  Yeah, those movies you are making now are at best okay. So you want to do better than okay, you want to be great.  Pick up a script, I suggest you start with mine, get it made and feel good about yourself.  You may feel so good that you will get in the practice of doing at least one of these films a year.

But seriously, contact me, I have a great script…

kristin wiig soo

Tagged with: hollywood, remake, roots, slave movies, independent movies, indie

Come out the closet!

#ToastTip- If you are going to be bold enough to share your racist, sexist, homophobic opinions with the world then please be bold enough to NOT be anonymous when you share.

Have you ever scrolled down the comment sections on youtube or after some article on facebook? If so, then you know the type of comments that can occur. Many of them are offensive on every level.  People spew so much hate in the comfort of their own home right behind the computer screen because they can be anonymous.  And these people pick on any and everything they ever felt that they might hate.  Blacks, Asians, Mexicans, gays, old people, children, cats, disabled pets, World War II Vets, Oreos…nothing is off topic for these people…

The level of online hatred is rather disgusting.  I’d rather people be vile and rude to my face instead of hiding in their anonymity….at least I know how you feel. I’m encouraging people to come out of the hatred closest.  Be who you are! I’m sure you will either feel way better for being true to yourself OR maybe you will realize how dumb you really sound when your ignorant ways are posted on on of my favorite blogs, Public Shaming.