The End of Times

As promised long ago, I have decided to implement a weekly video blog (I hate the word vlog)! Sometimes the things happening in the world is overwhelming and I don’t feel like writing about it but you know I’m still going to have an opinion regarding these things. Insert Video Blogs—because even if you don’t care what I think I find this process cathartic. Let me vent folks so I don’t rack up bills going to talk to a therapist.

If you enjoy this video, please leave a comment and share with your folks.

P.S. Shout out to my business partner Dion at LackToast Entertainment for directing and editing the video. Also its all his fault my necklace was twisted throughout—he failed to tell me. I may need to hire a wardrobe person!

It’s My Half Birthday

I’ve declared June 18th my half birthday. If you are asking me why, then your birthday must not be the week of Christmas– which sucks by the way!

If you live in America and celebrate Christmas you know that Decemeber is the most festive month of the year. People spend all year getting ready for the holidays, planning trips home, indulge in movies and exchanging gifts.   This month alone can ressurrect entire economies as people dig into their wallets and share tidings of great joy with their families, friends, neighbors and co-workers.

office christmas

However, if your birthday is anywhere around Christmas people are likely to make your Christmas gift a two for one deal.  Let me give you a $25.00 Amazon Gift card to you for your birthday with a card that says Happy Birthday and Merry Chirstmas. No longer seems fair does it?

davechapellebs

If you declare your half birthday, friends will buy your present and not think twice about making it a dual purpose birthday gift.

The other thing about being born the week of Christmas is that you don’t get birthday parties.  Think about it. Most kids are getting out of school for winter break, so no in class celebration.  As you get older, your birthday falls around exams—everyone is studying and then heading home, again no birthday party.

partyofone

As an adult I took upon myself to start throwing my own birthday parties because DANG IT- I’m happy to be born and I’m gonna celebrate me. That is until friends start making request that you have your celebration two weeks before the actual day of your birth….because you know they have plans to get out of town. Being born too close to Christmas is an inconvenience to your loved ones.  Throw a party in June and everyone is there, so why not celebrate your half birthday in June!  A birthday party that consist more than you and your best friend—one with at least 10 folks!

beyonce party

Wanna get away? I hope you don’t mind that traveling during your birthday is going to be expensive—its peak travel time. Gas is high, flights are high, accomodatios are going to be high. And even if you did splurge and spend the money, guess who’s not going to be there? Your friends—they can’t spend a weekend with you when there are last minute birthday gifts to be purchased! During the summer you can find great last minute travel deals—half birthday in Italy anyone?

It’s not that I hate the fact that I was born in Decemeber. Come on we get to celebrate with Jesus and Santa. If you plan right, you can hit up all the open bars at the office Christmas parties and turn up all by yourself. If you request your aunt to make your favorite cake she probably will because she is already in a baking mood. And for all the gift cards you will get for your Merry Birthday, you can wait till the day after Christmas to spend it and get more bang for your buck during the after Christmas sale!

grinch fab

 

 

Teenagers. WTF?

I know at one point in time I was a teenager. I also understand that teenagers sometimes makes foolish decisions.  But lately I’m convinced that teenagers are getting even more ridiculous in their life decisions and social media is not helping.

Phoebe_stop_the_madness

A group of teens together are bound to breed foolery.  It is this mob mentality that are getting teens to hop on the #KylieJennerChallenge.  Get a shot glass, insert lips, suck out all the air and voila! Full lips.  It sounds like a sensible/ affordable way to get plump lips.  But the problems with teens, and some adults is that they don’t think through things.

My first thought would have been—how would I get my lips out.  Will it hurt or bruise.  Obviously, I am a adverse to pain. But these adolescents are about that life. There was also the Fire Challenge.  Folks pouring alcohol on themselves then setting themselves on fire, running around the house and back to the tub to douse the fire. Um, have you ever heard of 3rd degree burns? You are straight putting your life in danger. On the same level of “I don’t really want to live this life” is the salt and ice challenge-without giving details just know that the risk involve 3rd degree burns as well.

NickiM-jawdrop

When I heard of the condom challenge, my faith in teenage humanity was restored. I was thinking, “That’s great kids are encouraging each other to have safe sex.” Nope. I was wrong. These kids were snorting condoms and pulling out of their mouth without thinking there is a possiblity of choking and dying! How embarrasing would it be to die because you choked on a condom? I don’t understand this sort of collective stupidity.

you are so dumb

Whatever happened to the less insane challenges–I dare you to eat a hot pepper or eat several saltine crackers without drinking water? Those challenges are dumb but less dangerous. It scares me to think that one day I may have a kid and that kid will become a teenager and that teen may end up participating in these ill planned, life threatening games. Parenting tops my list of scary things—right there below a sexless marriage.

 

Fresh Goes Better

*Cue up 90’s jingle* Fresh goes better, Mentos freshness, fresh goes better with Mentos, fresh and full of life!mentos
Bad breath— A problem that effects many—and I’m not talking about those who are the carriers of the breath but those of us who are witness of the funk. I’m not saying that at times we don’t experience our own bouts with unpleasant breath—like first thing in the morning, after eating onions or garlic, and sometimes even occasional stale breath.

badmorningbreath

But I’m talking about those with consistently questioning—nope not questioning—undoubtedly appalling breath. This is the breath that is as much as part of them as them as their skin color.
I’m sure that it is uncomfortable for folks who have been diagnosed with dragon breath—but what about those who seem to be oblivious to their own perpetual condition?

These folks walk around with total disregard for personal space. You know the ones—the ones that will lean over and whisper in your face spewing a sentence full of unnecessary ‘H’ words. You are stuck there holding back your tears, trying to dodge the menacing bully and dreaming of making it rain listerine strips.
smellsbad

Clearly, nd them to keep their mouth shut. Everybody knows that this person has rank odor floating from their mouth but this person has obviously never been tortured by the onion sauna stewing in the back of their throat. It is so bad and they don’t even know it. If they did know it they would make it their duty to chew more gum. All. Of. The. Time

 

The real question is what to do in these moments? Of course if this person is a dear friend, you can say “Bruh Mentos never hurt anyone.” But when you don’t know the person that well or the person is a boss—its not so easy. Do they know they know that their very presence is ever offending? I’ve witnessed several beautiful personalities fall victim to (at no fault of their own) pungent breath. They’ve been picked last for kickball, ignored as romantic prospects and overlooked for promotions.

Dr.-WhoSadFace

Other than matrix dives, rounds of freeze tags, and avoiding all forms of communications I haven’t figured out the best way to deal with folks dealing with putrid orifices. Again, I know it’s not their fault and I’m not trying to be mean, I’m simply asking “How do you deal with the funk?” Leave a comment and let me know!

#BlackLivesMatter #BlackGirlsRock

A few years ago, my sister asked me if I could explain to her white college roommate why publications such as Essence Magazine existed. In my head I immediately relived the nightmarish moment of trying to apply eye make up for “olive toned complexions” according to Seventeen Magazine.  The olive tone was the darkest skin complexion they had in the magazine, just like wavy/curly hair was the closest they would offer for tutorials on styling my kinky coils. Those styling tips don’t work!

darknightyikes

Unless you are a person of color—you will never live these experiences.  So I tried to explain to my sister’s roommate what it was like living as an African American.

I explained to her that for many years, people who looked like me were not frequently seen in magazines or television.  Every image of a beautiful woman, was a white woman. Every image of a successful person was a white person.  The few times we saw ourselves was generally in some subservient role, because that is how the world saw us.

token black guy

So instead of simply accepting the lack of images of ourselves, trailblazers created a platform for people with skin like mine and hair like mine—and no this separation wasn’t created by black people. It was a response to the separation that already existed. So while some may feel that the proper response to BET would be WET—we have to remember that for so long, all of television was White Entertainment Television.  The psychological impact is the thing that makes award shows like “Black Girls Rock” so necessary.

youissmartkindimportant

The issue is not that white people were on screen but that people of color were absent on the screen. Again, if you are not a person of color, you will not experience the same reality so these truths may be easily overlooked at no fault of your own.

In the wake of a rising awareness of black men being killed by cops, #BlackLivesMatter started trending and some people’s panties gathered in a bunch.  These folks countered with #WhiteLivesMatter in protest to the worthy cause.  The truth is that no one was questioning if white lives matter.  Statistics have shown that white men are less likely to be shot by cops than black men—so while it is ridiculous to think that innocent people of any race are being killed, we have to ask ourselves why a group that is overwhelming less populous than white men is being killed at higher rates.  Maybe a hashtag and strong statement will remind those who are meant to serve and protect that in addition to other lives black lives matter too.

It hard for many millennials to imagine that in our not so distant past our country found itself trying to undo racist laws that had been set in place since the very inception of our country and the truth is—we are still trying to figure this ish out.

because im black

We try to keep the dark past of slavery hidden because that mess is jacked up, demoralizing and embarrassing for everyone involved. It reflects the school of thought that many of our forefathers possessed.  The laws and rules set in motion would impact generations to come—not just systematically but also economically and psychologically.  It would be easier and less painful if we could just do a collective wipe of our memories.

forgetaboutit

So here we are—one generation removed—having to deal with the aftermath of a legally racist society.  One way we do it is by affirming ourselves while reminding others of our worth. It is not intended to take away from the beauty of all of humanity but to remind others that black is part of humanity as well.  It’s not going to be perfect right away and no one has all the answers.  Our country’s wounds are too deep and too fresh to just place a band aid—now is the time to do the work, have the conversation so that one day we can truly have a post racial society.

no one born racist