Correcting the Insufficient Parenting Epidemic

The  older I get, the more frustrated I get with people who have kids that don’t know how to raise them. I completely understand that parenthood may be one of the toughest jobs on earth and I truly respect that fact.  However, just because everyone CAN have children, doesn’t mean everyone SHOULD have children.  Being a lawyer is a pretty tough job too but a person has to pass two test just to have the honor of practicing law; the LSAT and the Bar.  I think that in order to be a parent, one should have to pass an exam.  A parenting test would help cut back on the Insufficient Parenting Epidemic (IPE).


I guess this is the appropriate time to make a disclaimer that I am not a parent nor am I a child person expert.   I would never claim to be.  Parenting is a job that I’m quite frankly not ready to sign up for; I enjoy sleeping in, staying out late, traveling, and spending my money on me.  The moment you become a parent, you instantly lose that privilege. Sucks for parents!   Although at times it feels like I am the last of a dying breed (i.e. 30’s and kid free), I am all the way turnt up in a party for one!  I do like kids, plan to have some one day…whenever I’m less selfish or right before my ovaries dry up, whichever comes first.

I do know that whenever I have kids, I would be game for passing a test about child rearing basics.  I would gladly flash my “I’m more likely not to ruin my child’s life” license and even sport a t-shirt.  And even if a test isn’t available, I would be all for reading some books on how not to raise devil spawn.

The biggest problem with the Insufficient Parenting Epidemic is that devil spawn grow into full size demons.  These are typically the people who you meet in life that have no home training, very rude and very messy grown people.

Said every teacher in America
Said every teacher in America

The issue isn’t bad kids; parents create the behaviors of their children.  Kids can’t help the fact that they have terrible parents.  And terrible parents are not to be faulted for the fact that they don’t know/have what it takes to be a decent parent.  Maybe these parents don’t know that they are contributing to the downfall of mankind by doing an ass poor job of raising their kids. Maybe nobody told them.

weep gif

Since it doesn’t look like lawmakers are jumping on my idea of Parenting Test and Licensing (I’m pretty sure it will generate some money for our local governments, but I digress) I made a list of ways to tell you if your parenting skills are up to par.

  • Your kid (under the age of 13) doesn’t have a bed time and are frequently up watching Scandal with you.
  • Your kids basic food group is sugar.  Not only candy but  sugary cereals, soda and/or fruit drink, pop tarts, white bread, white pasta, white carbs in general.
  • Your kid hasn’t had vegetables in a week.
  • Your kid constantly interrupts your conversations and you never teach the value of the words “excuse me”.
  • You don’t know your teacher’s name.  That means you never read the paperwork sent home and you’ve never gone to a parent teacher conference
  • Your child twerks and your record it on video and put it on YouTube.

twerk tiaras

  • Your child fails their weekly spelling test but knows every word to all the top 40 songs.
  • Your child says “huh” and “what” to adults.  Okay this can just be a peeve of this southern girl who was also taught to put a handle to grown folks names.  My friends still call my mom Ms. Stephanie.  We also say “ma’am” and “sir”.
  • Your toddler’s vocabulary consist mostly of foul and explicit language. Instead of correcting them, you encourage them.  One day, they will embarrass you in church.
  • Your kid doesn’t have chores.  Like none. Not even making up their bed.  The old adage says cleanliness is next to Godliness.  Maybe they are less likely to act like the devil is they know how to clean up. Just a thought.

Smoking Baby

Please note, the above is not a comprehensive list of symptoms but it is a start. If you or anyone you know suffer from more than one of these issues then in my completely unprofessional and unexperienced opinion you are contributing to the insufficient parenting epidemic.  If you or anyone reading this is offended by my commentary, I am pretty sure that you lack a sense a humor and/or are also very bad at child rearing. #TruthHurts

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