Over the past couple of days I have been really nervous about my upcoming birthday. Generally speaking, I LOVE BIRTHDAYS! I love everything about them. But for some reason, this time around, it doesn’t feel the same. I’m ready to become that person, the one that casually lies about her age and tells everyone they are turning 26. Why do I feel this way? Because THIRTY is a big freaking deal, that’s why!
Thirty is one of THE mile markers of life. You turn 21, you set goals for your adult life, you accomplish those things by thirty, you turn thirty and look at all you accomplished and you say “Go me! I did all this by 30 as planned.” Then you set new goals and continue. My life is NOT shaping up that way which leads me to believe that I need more time. I need 4 more years to be an accomplished 30 year old.
I hear all the talk about being satisfied where you are and focusing on all that you have but in a world where you friends are ALL accomplished by 30 and where freakin Beyonce exist, there’s pressure in turning 30. By time you turn 30 you are supposed to be married or in a stable relationship, have a solid career and own your own home. If you are 3 for 3 you are right on track, if you are at least 1 out of 3 you are okay, but if you are 0 for 3 there is a serious need to reexamine your life. I am in serious need of reexamining my life. I admit, I am a late bloomer. My first everything usually happens at least 10 years after everyone has had their first whatever. It’s getting old…
1. I’m not married. I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m not dating. I don’t even have a distant prospect of any thing that resembles a date.
Miranda: I’m sorry, if a man is over 30 and single, there’s something wrong with him, it’s Darwinian — they’re being weeded out from propagating the species.
Carrie: Okay, what about us?
Miranda: We’re just choosy…
At this point, I don’t even think I am choosy. There are just no prospects. Most of the time I am fine with that. But when it comes to turning 30, I am not.
2. I don’t own my own home. I AM A RENTER! On top of that I am a renter in serious debt. Thanks William D. Ford student loans and a few credit cards.
…I’ve spent $40,000 on shoes and I have no place to live?! I will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes.” ~ Carrie
Granted I’m haven’t spent that much on shoes and I’m not even that much in debt. I so relate. All the money spent on renting, buying clothes, food, traveling and I have nothing to show for it but a few facebook pictures. At least Carrie has her shoes.
3. My career or lack thereof is not as I planned. In fact it’s nowhere near where I planned. When I was 17 I said “by time I am 28 I will have been nominated for my first Oscar.” When I was 25 I revised that to say “when I turn 28, I will be working a steady job above assistant and coordinator on a television show nominated for an Emmy.” I am currently 29 saying “screw it, I will just take an industry job.” Okay, maybe not that desperate, but that’s what it feels like. When you’ve done all the right things like go to school, get internships, go to grad school, and take non paying job, you would think you would be well on your way in your career.
At least I do have a start of a career, one I can focus on intently because I don’t have a relationship. And maybe once that takes off, I will get out of debt… Can’t I just get four more years to get it right? Can’t I just be that person that says casually, “Oh I’m 26.”? And in four more years, this late bloomer will be right on time.
twillaamin.com 